If you noticed, yesterday was April Fools.  If you came here you would have seen that my website turned into a Tumblr full of pictures of myself as a “Creepy Party Photographer” meme. I was gonna plan something better but I forgot it was April Fools until like 11:30pm so I spent 3 hours making myself into a meme.  The meme is kinda a mix of “Scumbag Steve” and some of the other memes out there. I think a few of them are funny, but you guys can probably do better.  Create your own and then submit them here! I will post the best ones until I get bored with the whole thing.

Anyway, here are a few of my favorites. See them all here. And I will be back tomorrow with some more rad naked photos of Shay Laren!

In trying to find things to update this site with while I am waiting on a new camera lens to appear in the mail I have noticed out of the last four updates two are naked girls and one is a video girls making out.  Well, I guess we can keep my page nice and classy with this Craigslist M4W personal ad I put up at 3am. Things like this happen when you are totally losing your mind from lack of sleep.

For the record I only received one response and I am pretty sure it was from a prostitue.  But everyone on Twitter thought it was funny so now you guys get to read it. Click here to see the ad (with pictures!) at least until they take it down next week.

Ps. Clearly this is a joke, but I am still taking applications from any and all rad insomniac babes.

Everyone seems to love my post office live blogs via Twitter. I figured I would give you another one.  It was only a few Tweets but I think posting this is a better idea than going outside in this damn snow. I had a big photo shoot canceled today because of the snow so I will be damned if I am going to leave my house any time soon. If models can’t make it to me, I can’t make it out side of my building.

Anyway, this live blog contains two bonus Tweets.  Moments after I left the Post Office I went to the bank and New York Jets fat fuck of a head coach Rex Ryan was at the bank. He was wearing a miss matched Jets sweat suit and an ugly Jets hat. What a mess. I would have talked shit but he was with his family which might explain what the Hell he was doing in Williamsburg. Also when I was at the post office I bought 20 post card stamps so I can mail out some of the extra Christmas cards I made 2 years ago. If you want one, I still have a few stamps left, hit me with an email.

And remember you can get up to the minute brillance like this daily by following me on Twitter.

For the last two days, for whatever reason, I left my apartment intending on taking pictures of something. I failed both nights in a row.  My motivation for taking party pictures that I am not getting paid to take is probably the lowest it has ever been.  So hire me already so I can have a reason to blog about your parties… I need to be shooting more than twice a week.

Around 2am last night my phone died so I decided to go home.  I can’t really deal mentally without having my phone on me at all times because it seems whenever I don’t have it some how I miss a dead line or some crazy happening. Or maybe it’s just my OCD acting up again. On my way home I stopped in the Skinny for a few minutes to say hi to people at the Atomic X party which used to be at Beauty Bar on Wednesdays.  They played 5 Beatles songs in a row so I ended up staying for slightly longer than I planned to. The gimmick to that party is that they give away free candy and I was sitting at the bar shoving Swedish Fish in my mouth like I was a gummi grizzly bear. That’s when it happened. I picked up a bag of fish with only two fish in it. Two fish!! I call Shenanigans on that! You can imagine my outrage.  Yes, admittedly the fish were free, and admittedly there were plenty more bags of fish in the candy bowl, but this is America and I don’t have to stand for no Shenanigans!

I decided to write a letter to the makers of Swedish Fish, Cadbury Adams. Please enjoy.

And yes, I actually did send it.

So have you guys ever been on Model Mayhem?  If you are not aware, it is a site where people who want to be photographers and people who want to be models try to get famous, get fucked, or at the very least take naked pictures of each other.  While there are certainly some actually amazing photographers on there, and a number of actual agency repped models most of it is a cluster fuck.  There are all these male models who send comments to girls like “I wanna pose with you baby!”.  And I am sure a lot of photographers even more lecherous than I use it to see actual naked people.  I have shot a few girls off the site, but mostly it has been a waste of my time.  That being said, their forums are fucking amazing.

The forums seem to be almost completely unregulated and people are so hostile in there.  I mean if you want to know if your work at all holds up, go on those forums.  Those people will rip you a new asshole.  Watching wanna be models/photogs ask for advice on there is so good.  People will just tell them to quit now and never look back.  It is phenomenal.  After spending some time in there one day I came up with an idea.

I want to, as a joke, very seriously attempt to become a professional male model.  The thing is, while I am at least moderately cute, I am in fucking horrible shape, my skin seen the sun in a decade, clothes don’t fit me and it is very clear that I should never, ever be a model.  That being said, I do have one thing going for me… I know a lot of really amazing photographers.  So here is the idea.  I want to go to some of my friends who are pro-photogs and have them take really great photos of me.  Then I will start a Model Mayhem account as a model and then go into the forums and ask people for advice.  Now I am about to post some pretty funny photos with this post, but the only ones I will put on MM will be ALMOST serious shots.  I am going to post photos that while funny to you and me and everyone who knows about this will be believable enough for everyone else to think I am serious.  I am going to go about it in a really serious way and not give up until a) I think it is no longer funny or b) I get an actual paid model gig that doesn’t involve gay sex in any way.

I had been talking about this “becoming a professional male model as performance art” idea for a while, but when I was out in LA my friend Robyn Von Swank was teaching me some photoshop tricks.  We grabbed her camera and spent 10 minutes outside shooting some photos.  She touched a few of them up for me as I watched.  She did a pretty half assed job on them cause we were just fucking around teaching me stuff, but still, they are all good enough to pass for attempts at modeling work.  Most of them are too over the top for this project, but the ones of me leaning on the car are pure gold.  So now I just need a few more “looks” and I can start this hilarious plan I have.

So if any of my photog friends/fans out there, want to shoot me for the benefit of this really stupid project, let me know. I will keep you guys all updated if I ever follow up on this. When I have told people about this idea about half the people just stare at me and the other half think it is kinda brilliant… so let me know how you feel about it. If people think it is amusing, I will actually try to follow through…

But for now enjoy some of these shots that Robyn took of me and make sure to check out her website, because she is a really great photographer, despite how silly/half assed these shots are.  All the photos Robyn took can be found if you click here.

So I got a parking ticket the other day and it made me realize I don’t have any cop friends that could fix this situation for me. So I decided to place some personal ads on Craigslist. Click the adds to see the actual posts while they last.

UPDATE – 6.12.08:
I didn’t receive any responses to my add until today.

The $#%#D@ nerve.  I hope they hammer you hard.
What your asking for and what your offering in return is a serious charge.
I suggest you stay off of craigs list with your nonsense.

HAHAHAHAHA….

You need to buy this straw on ebay.  It is the exact length of my erect penis.  Per description:

At work the other day I saw a box of straws. On the box it said their length. This length was coincidentally the exact length of my fully erect genitalia. Because of the mass media obsession with my website, Drivenbyboredom, I know there is a big demand out there to find out exactly how big I am. There is only one of three ways: 1. Ask someone and hope they are telling the truth, 2. Trick me into cheating on my girlfriend with you, OR you could buy this straw. You need it now. Free shipping on any orders over $100. Otherwise, it will cost you one buck. Are you excited yet?

So BID ON IT NOW!!!

For archival reasons; here is a screen shot.

In 2001 I used to sell things on eBay. I would sell junk and write funny things about the junk and people would read it and say “hey, that is sort of funny” and then they would go back to looking at porn. Anyway, I did that for a while until I sold this ball of wire and tape online as a piece of the MIR Space Station which had recently crashed. I was written up in this article on the Register and my site blew up. I made some Canadian TV show and thousands of people saw my auction. Then ebay took it down. So I put it up as art that just looked like the MIR. They took that down too. Then I got suspended from ebay. I got my account back, but I was eventually banned completely when I resold the same bunch of wires as part of Aaliyah’s plane after she was killed in a plane crash. I thought this was funny, ebay did not. Many months later I started it back up, but it was never really as funny. The one cool thing that came out of the whole ordeal was that I got one of my ebay auctions written up in an book about ebay auctions. That was cool. Anyway, as DBB is back from the dead, we might as well bring ebay pranks back. This is the first, and there may be more in the future. Who knows?

So check out Rare George Washington Dollar Bill. Mustache? Beard?

And in 90 days or whatever, when ebay takes down this link, you can see a screen shot here.