Just kidding. If you clicked over from Twitter or Tumblr or your RSS feeder you have been fooled! I have no Hannah Montana child porn for you no matter how much you want it. Seriously, that is gross. Why did you click that link? What the Hell is wrong with you?

All jokes aside I have nothing fun for you today. Just a little house keeping and some links.  I just thought Miley Cyrus Naked would be a better title than “Bullshit you don’t care about, and other links”.

Mostly I just wanted to tell you guys that I am going on Vacation. I will be gone Saturday to Tuesday and then as soon as I get back on Wednesday I leave for another few days to cover THE GATHERING OF THE FUCKING JUGGALOS for the Village Voice. That is really happening. I will be sleeping in an RV for 4 days in the middle of nowhere so I have my doubts that things will get updated at all. I don’t even know if I will have electricity. That is for serious.

So things will be a bit slow next week and clearly they are slow right now. I have an update for you tomorrow, and I hope I will shoot some parties either tonight or tomorrow so I have some shots ready to go for the weekend, but like I said, it might be slow around here for a little while.

So to kill time while you are impatiently refreshing my page over and over again to see if I have updated you could check out some new stuff I have online.

Here are some of the Dos & Don’ts I have shot for Vice Magazine recently: Don’t, Do, Don’t, Do, Don’t, Do, & Don’t

Here are some of my naked photos that have showed up on Gawker’s adult blog, Fleshbot, recently (NSFW): Andy, Dana, Shay & Tayte.

Here are some new Village Voice galleries: Naked Art Party, Gallery Bar, Greenhouse, & Trash.

Complex.com wrote and article on Ellen Stagg and I took the the picture of her for it.

I have some stuff in Inked Magazine this month (and most months).

And lastly, here is a picture of the Mario Kart parked outside of my apartment every day. Oh, and sorry again about the Miley Cyrus thing…

Check out The IGORR.

The IGORR is some sort of Frankensteinesque version of a Converse Chuck Taylor All Star made by Steve Madden.  While the shoe is completely hideous it does have one main feature that makes me have to buy a pair: it is named after me.  And not in any sort of coincidental way… the shoe was actually named after me.

Last year I had a roommate named Kara.  She was pretty much the best roommate I have had since my freshman year of college.  When she moved in I figured she would be around for ages, but she snuck out in the middle of the night to move in with my good friend and now next door neighbor OJ.  Seriously, they moved less than 5 feet away from me.  As a going away present Kara, who happens to be the male shoe buyer for Steve Madden, named a shoe after me.  That was in September so I figured it would have been out ages ago (and it probably was since they are on sale) but she just sent me the link today.  I am pretty excited about it.  It’s not quite a shoe colab with Etnies, but I’ll take it.

Now the real question is… Which color should I get?

Normally I have been just posting my photo clippings to my Tumblr, but this one deserves a full post.  Besides, my internet is terrible again today so I might not have anything to post until pretty late tonight.

I have been working for The Village Voice for about two years now. They are my most consistant client and I love them.  They don’t pay me a ton per assignment, but they give me a lot of work, get me press passes to anything I want, and occasionaly pay some of my travel expenses. So, yeah, I love them.  The only problem is that it’s all for web.  Once or twice a month one of my pictures shows up on the page dedicated to VillageVoice.com, but I never have any editoral content in the paper… Until now.

It just happened that my web editor was writing an article on Courtney Love’s latest comeback and Hole’s new tour while we were both at South By Southwest.  We both happened to catch her show at the Perez Hilton party and so I sent her one of my better shots from Hole’s set and they ended up buying it.  I know it’s pretty dumb of me to care about it since I have worked for the company for two years, but it’s nice to finally have something in the actual paper. I mean, it’s a NYC institution….

So click here to read the article or just pick up a copy of the paper and turn to page 48 .  It’s free in Voice boxes all over the city until Wednesday…

To take a break from all the photo galleries I just wanted to show you a few things I have in print right now.  I sold a pic of Lady Gaga on her birthday to NY Magazine. Its the one in the left corner.  It was in last weeks issue as part of the cover story.  The only copy I have is pretty beat up so if anyone has a copy they wanna give me I would appreciate it. I also shot the holiday party for XXL magazine.  For some reason the pictures are in the April issue. The pics from that include shots of the Jersey Shore cast, football players Eddie George and Darrelle Revis, and a giant photo of a bucket of Heineken.  The funniest part of the night was when I ran into the Manhattan rep for PBR right after the party and he asked me why I missed the PBR holiday party. When I told him it was because I was shooting a Heineken sponsored party. His response without even a second of hesitation: “Heineken? Fuck that shit.  Pabst Blue Ribbon!” Amazing.

So I finally left Miami and got ditched twice on my way Orlando. I took a Greyhound bus all the way and met a high school photo student who I got to give sage advice to about photography.  I am probably not the best person to give advice, but she seemed excited about it and told me I was the most interesting person she had ever met.  That kinda made me cry a little bit and I told her to get the hell out of Florida. Hopefully one day she will take that advice if nothing else.

Anyway, on the content side of things, my friend sent me this video called Hipster Sharks and it totally name drops this site which I find hilarious.  The whole thing is pretty funny until it goes into a long tangent about Burning Angel and alt porn, but if you edited it down this thing could be a hit.  I need to make a reply video or something. I think I have a rhino puppet somewhere…

Lastly, I just wanted to tell you guys I am about to go to Disney World with my muse.  That should be awesome.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxWXd65hYts[/youtube]

This is the last week of the series on homeless recycling that my friend Brendan and I did for Vice.  I think it’s probably the best of the four sections. I don’t really have a lot to say about it, but you should just read the article.

In other news, I am in Miami with a place to stay at least for tonight.  I think I might be good this weekend too, but tomorrow could be intresting. Still, I am being productive while aslo taking it easy. I shot a party last night at White Room that was fun and I have a sexy type photoshoot planed for today.  I am also working two parties for Roxy this weekend.  Other than that I am trying to take it a bit easy and try to recover from SXSW. That being said, if anyone wants to get naked for me, or hire me to shoot a party this week, let me know.  I will also be in Orlando on Monday, Tues and Wed of next week, so same thing goes.

Get at me.

So I finally made it down to Miami for this Winter Music thing.  Austin was so exhausting after two weeks sleeping three hours a night on a couch that as soon as I got to the Airport in Miami I booked a cheap hotel room by the airport and went to sleep. That’s where I am right now.

Unfortunately after tonight I don’t have any place to stay.  My housing fell through and I am stuck with no place to go. If anyone has a place for me to crash near South Beach it would be amazing. I just can’t be walking around with all the stuff I packed for a three week trip, including 2 cameras and my computer. Please contact me if you have anything that can help. I have to be here through Sunday.

As far as actual updates go I still haven’t gotten any SXSW pictures up, but there is a gallery from the Mog.com party up on Mog and I have a best of SXSW music gallery up on the Village Voice and some pics from the Mashable interactive party on the LA Weekly. Oh, and some more LA Weekly tattoo shots here.

Anyway, that’s all the updating I have for now.  Things might be weird this week, just keep checking my Twitter and my Tumblr. See you soon I hope.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMPArYnklYo[/youtube]

I actually have a bunch of stuff to update you guys with right now, but no time to do it.  I have to get out of here in a few minutes so I will just send you to the third part in my weekly series on Viceland. I don’t remember if it’s four or five parts, but this is one of the better sections.  The last part is pretty great too.

On a news note, today is the end of the film and interactive parts of SXSW and the beginning of the Music part.  My job goes from mostly freelancing and watching movies to working for Mog.com and busting my ass all day only to come home and have to edit and upload photos all fucking night.  I will be getting absolutely no sleep, but I got to sleep in today finally, so at least I am rested and ready to go. Hopefully I will find some time later tonight to update the site again.  See you guys soon.

In my senior year book they had these things that predicted what all the seniors would be doing  “In 20 years…”. In the original draft of it my “In 20 years…” read “Playboy Photographer”.  The censors at my school made them change it which is good because they lacked the foresight to realize that Playboy will not be a magazine in 2019 and that they will just be pushing video content on a website and publishing stills from that.  Anyway, just 11 years later I have finally made a step towards my goal by having two photos published in Penthouse.  That give me just 9 years, or until Playboy goes under to become a Playboy Photographer. Anyway, the photos aren’t what you are probably thinking, the girls have all their clothes on.

When I was in Vegas in January I covered the AVN Red Carpet for the Village Voice and my friend Jennifer who works at Penthouse asked me for some images of Penthouse pets for an article she was doing.  The photos kinda suck, as all Red Carpet shots do, but it is still a pretty funny milestone in my life although not quite as great of one as when I  had sex with a Penthouse Pet., but career wise it’s pretty good.

Anyway, here is my page in the April issue of Penthouse. It comes out March 16th.  If you click it you can download the .PDF file if you want to “read the article”. Although, now that I think about it, half the article is on the previous page, so I guess you are pretty much fucked unless you want to buy a copy.