Two weeks ago I went to Miami for Art Basel/ Miami Art Week and a Dolphins game on Monday Night Football and the entire thing was a disaster so let’s break that down, post a handful of pictures and then let’s never speak of it again. Honestly I wouldn’t normally post any of this but I didn’t spend a bunch of time and money on this trip and come back with zero content, so here we go. Enjoy.

There have been a bunch of times in my life where I have gone to Miami with no plans and ended up having a great time, coming back with a ton of great photos and ultimately making some money. It’s been so consistent in my life that when I saw that Basel was happening the same week as a Monday Night Football game I was ready to book the trip and then figure it out later. Problem is I didn’t exactly know my dates. Ideally I would show up Friday and leave Tuesday morning but I had a new client who didn’t know the details of their event yet and so I couldn’t book the trip quite yet. Meanwhile I had a meeting with a second possible client who seemed to want me for a several day event and the only details we needed to work out was how long I was going to work for how much money. That gig started on Thursday afternoon so I finally confirmed my other client for Friday so I booked the trip, Thursday to Tuesday and got a non refundable hotel pretty close to one of the jobs because I am an idiot.

Shortly after I booked the trip my first client, the one that had confirmed all the details pulled out. Fortunately they gave me a kill fee that still pretty much paid for the trip but it went from being a money making trip to a break even one real quick. As we got closer and closer to the week it became clear that the second client had just ghosted me. I have no idea why or what happened but suddenly I was in Miami for four days with no jobs and nothing planned. I also happened to be busy as hell with a trip to NC for my girlfriend’s birthday, the big Dolfans NYC event I was throwing and then a trip to DC to see my folks since I missed Thanksgiving. Suddenly the Miami trip was on top of me and I had nothing planned. 

A few days before I left I went into panic mode, sending emails to old clients, friends I hadn’t seen in years an a bunch of models in Miami. Figured if nothing else I could do some photo shoots. I managed to plan two shoots, but wouldn’t you believe it, they both flaked. There was a third model who was visiting that I was trying to work something out with but that never happened either. Perfect.

On Thursday my flight was super early so when I finally got to my hotel they didn’t have a room ready for me so I just sort of sat in the lobby for far too long. I had barely slept so I tried to take a nap and after failing at that I ordered some food and started texting some friends. I got invited to the job that I didn’t get hired for and to a nightclub and to a dinner way too far from my hotel room. It was great to see I had stuff to do, but I just didn’t want to do any of it, and I had a long week so I just stayed in and watched a terrible football game. 

The next day I had a bunch of things I wanted to do. The first one was my buddy Deeze’s party. He had released a toy and some clothes with a Web3 company called Goonz and they were throwing a party. I went down there and had a good time. I met a few people I knew just on the internet and met some new folks and took a few 35mm photos. It was a very chill couple of hours and I had no idea it was going to end up the highlight of the trip. From there I went over to the legendary dive bar Mac’s Club Deuce for a bit and hit the always fantastic Sandwicherie which I hadn’t been to in years. And that’s where the trip peaked. I got stuck in such bad traffic that I just sort of gave up and went back to my hotel and eventually took an Uber over to Wynwood. I figured I would check out the new Graffiti Museum but it was closing when I got there so I ran into my buddy Sean and walked around with him for a bit and then stopped by the job that I got the kill fee for. I have no idea why I went but they invited me and I figured I should try and say hi. I wasn’t there long before I went to the Fool’s Gold party which I was also only at briefly because I am old and tired. 

On Saturday I had a bunch of stuff to do, and I managed to do almost none of it. It was so god damn frustrating dealing with Miami traffic that is so much worse than it was even a couple of years ago. It is so much worse than LA which is everyone’s favorite traffic to complain about. The one thing I did do was go see my friend Noah who had a piece of art in a gallery not too far from my hotel. When I got there, there was a pop up custom Miami Dolphins t-shirt event where they had graffiti artists designing shirts for you which I thought was cool and they told me the wait was 30 minutes so I figured why not. I was gonna go see my buddy Buff Monster talk on a panel at the Museum of Graffiti at six but it was only 4 so I had plenty of time. Two hours later I was still waiting and the sunk cost fallacy had broken me and I wasn’t leaving without a t-shirt I will absolutely never wear. I tried to go back to Wynwood to meet up with Buff even if he was speaking but traffic broke me and looking for a parking spot was absolutely hell and after 45 minutes in the car I just completely gave up and went back to my hotel and for the second of my three nights in Miami I just hung out in my hotel room.

By this time Basel was pretty much over and I hadn’t taken a single photo with my digital camera. I wanted to give you guys content so I figured the easiest thing to do would just be to once again go back to Wynwood and just take some photos of the murals there. It’s not the first time I have done exactly that. I don’t know why anyone would give a fuck about these photos, but it’s something and you get to look at them. I also finally went to the Grafitti Museum which was cool but way too small. So many important artists barely got a mention if they did at all. Once I got enough stuff I drove up to Delray Beach where my Dolfans NYC co-founder lives and watched the 1pm football games until it was time to meet up with her at an ice skating rink where her beer league team had a game. I watched some bad hockey in a freezing rink in a t-shirt and then accidentally went on a toll road on the way back to her place which cost me $45 because car rental places love to rip you off. After having dinner with her and her family the two of us went to Target and bought $700 of toys for needy children with some of the money we raised for charity this season. That was so much fun and honestly that was the actual highlight of the trip. It was so rewarding seeing all those toys piled up in the back seat of Michelle’s car, knowing so many kids would have a better Christmas because of our little fan club.

The next day I just hung out at Michelle’s house and did some work and then it was time for me to watch one of the most disappointing football games I have ever witnessed, and I have been to some bad ones.  The night started out well because we delivered all the toys to the toy drive and the people who ran the toy drive rolled out the red carpet for us and showed us around and hooked us up with food and drinks and all that. They hooked us up with some incredible seats as well. It was a great VIP experience all the way up until the game started. The Dolphins had one injury after another and were barely keeping up with a team that is much worse than them. A guy behind me puked and when someone washed the vomit up, the vomit water rolled under my seat for the rest of the game. Eventually the Dolphins made some big plays and were up two touchdowns with about two minutes to go. They then managed to somehow lose the game in embarrassing, humiliating fashion. 

When I finally made it back to Brooklyn I realized I had left my iPad and ear buds on the plane and no one ever found them. Just an absolutely cursed trip, but wait, there’s more! I had this idea that would wait until I got my 35mm film developed from the trip to do this post. That’s why this post wasn’t up a week ago. I finally dropped off all my film and in absolutely incredible fashion I got six rolls back and it just happens that two of the three rolls with Miami stuff on it didn’t really come out. Turns out the auto focus on my point and shoot seems to have broken at some point and 75% of the photos on those two rolls were a blurry mess (including my 35mm juggalo boat photos from the other night).

TLDR: I went to Miami, made no money, had a miserable time and managed to lose and iPad and break a camera. But hey, I have a few mediocre photos for you. Merry Christmas, I should be back with a big update before the end of the year.

Click here to see some 35mm photos from my trip to Miami.

Click here to see some digital photos of street art in Wynwood. 

What could be more on brand for me than going to photograph a holiday Insane Clown Posse concert in international waters in the middle of the night? Okay, technically the boat was just circling the Statue of Liberty in the East River, but still, it was a weird time that I had to attend even though I wasn’t working for anyone. Just seemed like it was my journalistic duty. Did I mention it’s not the first time I have gone on an insane clown cruise?

Ballas on a Boat was a Christmas themed juggalo cruise put on by Rocks Off who specialize in doing shows on boats. The original event was scheduled for 7pm, but that one sold out so quickly that they added a second midnight cruise. When I saw the two options, it seemed like a no brainer to attend the late night one. Not only was the homie Ouija Macc playing, but I figured being on a boat with juggalos until 4am seemed like it had the potential for way more weirdness. 

When I arrived at the boat, juggalos from the first show were getting off and juggalos were set up selling nitrous balloons on a poorly lit dock which just felt really perfect. Reminded me of home, and by home I mean the Gathering of the Juggalos. I got on board and spent the first hour or so really just catching up with some juggalo friends I have made over the years including Ouija’s manager Kev Buc who I have gone to like a half dozen Gatherings with (who also got me on the boat) last minute. 

When we passed the Statue of Liberty so I had to go photograph juggalos photographing Lady Liberty and then Ouija played and the combination of my cold lens mixed with the heat of the show fogged my lens up. I also decided to bring my old camera and started messing around with dragging my shutter a little bit like in my old nightlife days so it made for some blurry but appropriately hectic Ouija photos. The lower level of the boat was so hot that the show felt more like a Bushwick basement show than it did a rock cruise.

Of course I made the same mistake after Ouija because it was so damn hot and I went on the deck again and almost immediately ICP started playing so I had to run downstairs and spend half the set wiping my lens. Fortunately there was a juggalo in front of me in a santa hat which was perfect for wiping my lens off. Eventually I got shoved to the front and was on my knees shooting the band which was a new experience for me shooting ICP. Usually it’s a huge production with a ton of Faygo flying everywhere, but this time I was almost too close to them in the hull of a sweaty boat. They played a short set with a bunch of Christmas songs, but it was fun to get to see them in a more intimate setting. 

After we docked I made it to land only to realize that I couldn’t get an Uber, but a juggalette offered to drive me home. I just had her drive me to a subway stop, but it’s the kindness of juggalos that makes me keep wanting to photograph them, even when any rational person would be done after 13 years documenting fans of a middle aged horrorcore rap group in clown makeup. 

A little housekeeping update, before we get to photos. I have an update from my recent trip from Miami ready to go, but I wanted develop the film first. I should have it back in a couple days so I will probably get it up towards the end of this week. You can sponsor one of those rolls and get cheap print of one of the photos on that roll (feel free to request the roll I shot on the juggalo boat). And while the sponsor a roll thing takes a while to get delivered, anything else ordered in my store by Wednesday will ship on Wednesday so you can maybe get it by Christmas. Just saying. And while we are here, I should plug my juggalo NFTs (and yes we are still trying to make NFTs happen. And fuck it, let’s plug Girl of DBB too. I will put some sort of NSFW juggalette content up there right now because I love you. Okay, now go look at clown boat photos. 

Click here to see all my photos from Ballas on A Boat, the Insane Clown Posse late night Christmas cruise. 

Last week I went back to the Super Funland bar at the Museum of Sex to photograph my friend Ellen Stagg’s party to celebrate the release of her new book Free To Be Naked. I’ve known Ellen about 15 years and we’ve photographed so many of the same models despite having very different photographic styles and I am a big fan of her and her work. Fortunately Ellen must be a fan of my photography too because she keeps hiring me to photograph her parties (and used one of my photos of her for her author photo in the book). I photographed her last book release in the basement of the Museum of Sex, and just recently I photographed a signing she did for a Hustler Magazine cover, also at Super Funland. 

Super Funland is a great place for a party, at least from a photography standpoint because it’s insane looking. There’s a slide that starts upstairs in the museum and comes out a giant butt in the bar, which means randomly throughout the party museum goers just end up in the bar. There are also a few carnival games including a Zoltar that has been replaced with Rupaul, a very cool looking bar and of course a stripper pole. Ellen had two dancers going throughout the night, Ruby Quinn, who I met at Ellen’s last party, and Tess Artiste. They both absolutely killed it.

Also important to mention is that my friend Sucklord made a bootleg Ellen action figure! It was the release party for that thing as well and it’s pretty hilarious. Sucklord and started to work on a toy once but I kinda dropped the ball on it. I do still have the prototype and it’s a prized possession. I keep it on a shelf in my office. 

But yeah, it was a great time, met some rad people, saw some old friends and took a bunch of cool pictures. Thanks a ton to Ellen for having me out, and congrats on the new book! 

PS. While these photos are mostly safe for work, there are six images that I felt were gonna get me in trouble with Flickr if I uploaded them, so if you want to see every photo in this gallery the full set is available on Girls of Driven By Boredom. It is absolutely not worth paying for Girls of DBB for these six images, but there are tens of thousands of nudes on there for very little money. Just saying. 

Now click here to see (almost) all the photos from Ellen Stagg’s Free To Be Naked book release party at Super Funland at the Museum of Sex.

Last week the NFL played its first ever Black Friday game. The game just so happened to be the annual Miami Dolphins at “New York” Jets game, which happens to be played in New Jersey. Fortunately New Jersey is close enough to NYC that the NYC based Miami Dolphins fan club that I founded can charter a ton of busses and meet up with thousands of Dolphins fans from around the world who come to our yearly event called the #MetLifeTakeover. 

I write about Dolfans NYC a few times a year, but I always feel like I need to do a quick rundown, here’s the quickest possible explanation. My business partner Michelle and I were looking for more Dolphins fans to watch with every week so in the offseason between 2008/2009 we founded a fan club called Dolfans NYC. That club has grown to the biggest Miami Dolphins fan club in world and we became a non-profit and have donated over $100k to charity over the last 15 years. Our biggest fundraising event of the year is the #MetLifeTakeover a huge tailgate and group ticket purchase when the Dolphins come up to play the Jets. Okay, now you have context.

Anyway, this year wasn’t our biggest year from a number of tickets sold standpoint, but only because the Jets thought they were going to have a successful season so we could only buy about 950 seats together. However, as the Jets lost more and more games and the Dolphins won more and more games, we got thousands of requests for tickets. We had sold out before the season even started so we started telling people how they could sit with us, and all four sections of the stadium seemed absolutely jam packed with Dolphins fans. 

The tailgate was incredible, thanks to our partners at Urban Tailgate. We had music from DJ Drell and Solo D and had appearances from all sorts of well known people that are only well known if you are a Dolphins fan. The whole thing went over perfectly (except for a tiny frustrating incident I am not allowed to talk about for legal reasons) and everyone seemed to have an incredible time. The Dolphins did their part and kicked the shit of of the Jets and we even ended up on Hard Knocks! 

If you aren’t familiar, Hard Knocks is an HBO docuseries that follows NFL teams. Originally it was just during training camp but for the last few years they have been following teams in season. NFL teams seem to hate it, but NFL owners like money, and the fans love it. It’s been awesome for more as a Dolphins fan and it was even cooler that they came to our tailgate and did quick 45 second clip about our event. They interviewed Michelle and I, but only used a second of the dialogue, but it was cool that they focused on how Dolphins fans filled the stands and the parking lot. You can watch the whole clip here.

Anyway, it was a great event and we raised thousand and thousands of dollars for charity in the process. Hopefully I will be back in a few weeks with the recap video, but I should be back even sooner with some party pictures as I am shooting an event tonight and headed to Miami Art Basel (and another Dolphins game) in about a week. 

These photos from the Takeover aren’t great because frankly I was way too busy and way too stressed out to do a good job taking photos, but hopefully you can get a sense of the event anyway.

Click here to see all my photos from the 2023 Dolfans NYC #MetLifeTakeover at MetLife Stadium in New Jersey. 

I was in Kentucky on back to back weekends not too long ago and one of my favorite humans Siri Dahl happens to live there. She was traveling pretty much the whole time I was there, but luckily our schedules allowed for about two hours of photo taking which was great. She was actually one of the last people I photographed before the pandemic and it was our first shoot despite talking about shooting for many, many years. Seriously I think we first talked about shooting in like 2013 or something and didn’t shoot until 2020 and didn’t shoot again until a couple of months ago. She is great and hopefully we will get to shoot many more times in the future, but yeah. We got new Siri photos!

Siri is hilarious and has some, let’s just say, interesting pillows. We shot with them and her cat and eventually she brought out some super religious booty shorts that you might appreciate. We were in Kentucky after all. I feel like I need more caffeine or something because I have sort of reached the point in this post where I have run out of things to say, but just to recap, Siri is rad, she’s hot, and we took a bunch of nudes, some which are a little more explicit than I normally shoot. You will like them, if you like rad, hot people and vaginas and butts and things. Is anyone still reading this or are you just looking at photos?

As a reminder, we live in a puritanical hellscape and forward all my nudes are paywalled to Girls Of Driven By Boredom. I am really sorry about that but the site has thousands and thousands of nudes on there so I feel like it’s worth whatever Findrow is charging these days. Also, because I no longer have an OnlyFans, I edited together all the BTS video I shot for my OF into a minute long video of short clips and uploaded that to Girls of DBB as well. The video is free if you subscribe or $5 if you just wanna see it. 

Click here to see all the NSFW photos of Siri Dahl and tens of thousands of other nude photos.

I don’t have a ton more to say about the 15th anniversary of the Exxxotica Expo that I did part one of these photos, but we can give it a shot and fill some space. Day two was a longer day than day one, but I actually made an effort to shoot a little bit less. I shot over 1000 photos on the first day to make sure I got everything I needed and then I took it a little bit easier, or at least I tried to, I still shot 800 photos, but over a ten hour day that is a little more relaxed. 

Day two highlights include getting to see my old pal Abella Danger who wasn’t there day one, more of that nerdy burlesque from the day one after party, a screening of the legendary Deep Throat introduced by the children of the director, and two girls dressed as sea creatures. Honestly, I can’t think of anything else to say, other than I didn’t shoot day three because I had to watch the Dolphins lose at 9:30 in the fucking morning because the NFL decided it’s a good idea to play games in Germany. 

Oh, I do of course have to mention that because of my broken website and (temporarily?) using Flickr for my galleries, I can’t post any of the photos with “g-strings or pasties” which account for 80 photos today and over 100 from part one. You can see all of those photos, and literally tens of thousands of my nude photos (okay, not me naked but you get it) on my site Girls of Driven By Boredom. It’s currently my only pay site since I got my OnlyFans account disabled for reasons that were never explained to me. 

Okay, on to the photos…

Click here to see all of the vaguely safe for work photos from day 2 of the 2023 Exxxotica NJ Expo!

Click here to see all of the uncensored photos from day 2 of the 2023 Exxxotica NJ Expo!

Exxxotica Expo New Jersey just celebrated their 15th anniversary. The company does events all over the place but the very first one was in NJ and I was there so of course I had to show up for the big anniversary. My plan originally was just to go for a few hours but they actually reached out to me and asked me to shoot the first two days for them and I was more than happy to take their money. My buddy Steve Prue is their staff photographer and every few years he spends the weekend shooting portraits and they ask me to fill in for him. So glad it worked out.

Over the weekend I shot nearly 2000 photos which edited down to nearly 500, so I figured we should break this up in to two posts. The first one you are looking at right now and the second post should be up Wednesday. I got too much to do tomorrow. Also, a lot of these photos will be exclusive to Girls of Driven By Boredom, but we will get to that in a minute.

This is the first adult event I have photographed since AVN in 2020 just a couple months before the world ended. I missed Exxxotica last year because my girlfriend’s car was in the shop and I missed AVN because I got the dates wrong and when I started looking at flights and hotels it wasn’t worth it. Between that and my LA trips recently being more about my 1 year old nephew than photographing sex workers I feel a little bit out of the adult world. I knew only a handful of the girls so it felt less like a family reunion than normal, but I still got a bunch of good shots. Plus it was great to see my friends who were there. 

After the show ended I hit the after party for a bit. I shot two burlesque performances including one from Vonka Romanov who I actually photographed way back in 2015. But my bad back was killing me so I wasn’t there long and went up to my hotel room to get a jump start on editing these photos. It’s so wild how old I have gotten in just a few short years. I guess a global pandemic, a severe back injury and getting wifed up will do that to a person. Hey, we had a good run. 

Okay, so let’s get to that other thing… If you are a regular here you will know that my website is broken and I cannot fix it. I have been using Flickr to host my galleries which has a lot of drawbacks, but the main one is that if you post adult content the photos will get marked as such and you can’t see them without having a Flickr account and then updating your settings to be able to see adult content. Because of this over 100 of the photos I shot on Friday are only going to be posted on Girls of Driven By Boredom. I realize that sucks, but maybe a few of you will actually sign up which will help my life since OnlyFans disabled my account last week. That being said, if I took your photo at the convention and you don’t see it in the free gallery, contact me, and I will try and find your photo for you. 

Okay, here are a ton of photos and there will be a ton more in a couple of days. Thanks so much to everyone at Exxxotica for having me out. Can’t wait to photograph the 20th anniversary!

Click here to see all of the vaguely safe for work photos from day 1 of the 2023 Exxxotica NJ Expo!

Click here to see all of the uncensored photos from day 1 of the 2023 Exxxotica NJ Expo!

Happy Halloween! I shot these photos from the 2023 Tompkins Square Park Halloween Dog Parade more than a week ago, but I had to save them for Halloween. There is honestly nothing I love more than having an excuse to hang out with doggos. Sometimes I will be hanging out with people and they will just walk up to strangers dogs and pet them like that is a totally normal thing to do, but I am 6’2″ 200lbs and I look like a scumbag so I can’t just be petting strange dogs (honestly I am down to 190 right now, but the point remains). But you know where I can pet dogs? A Halloween dog parade.

Years ago I shot the Tompkins Square Park Halloween Dog Parade for the Village Voice and since then I have had the opportunity to shoot it a few times, even when it wasn’t at Tompkins. Two years ago I shot the McGhoulrick Dog Parade because my girlfriend was living in Greenpoint at the time and I had just hurt my back so I couldn’t go very far. Luckily squatting down to photograph dogs actually made my back feel so much better. It was the first time I realized I could just squat down and it would release so much pressure on my nerve. Anyway, that is not important at all. The important thing is that you now have several links to go see more photos of cute dogs in Halloween costumes. 

This year I kinda half assed it with photos for a number of reasons. The main one was that they shut down the park and it was such a clusterfuck of dog owners and a million people trying to take photos of dogs. I didn’t get a press pass so I was just out in the masses and I got sick of fighting for shots pretty early so I walked to the end and got people leaving. It was also raining and I had a photoshoot after so I had to leave early, but guess what? I still got a ton of photos of cute dogs in costume so I don’t know why you are complaining. That being said, it would be fun go get a press pass again, shoot the entire thing and actually prepare and bring toys and treats to get these dogs to pay attention to me.

Anyway, happy Halloween and go look at some photos now. 

Click here to see all my photos from the Tompkins Square Park Halloween Dog Parade!