There was a short lived DBB 2.0 in between my old site and this new one here.  There were really only 3 good posts on the whole site.  I am going to post two of them, because one was just a food review.  Okay, here is part 1, my review of Life Like Animals.  Tomorrow I will post part two, my review of Frank Zappa pennies!?  You will have to be here tomorrow to find out what the hell that means.

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I do not even know where to begin. I was in the Kroger supermarket (4 out of 5 for being open till midnight) with a friend of mine (4 out of 5 for looking really good naked). She was buying food; I was bored and trying not to spend any money on frozen skrimps (aka shrimp). As she shopped I looked around the store and complained loudly about my friend’s decision to go vegetarian. I made sure to complain extra loud when passing the vegan hippy punk rockers complaining about meat broth in soup. Anyway, my hatred for vegetarians and love for bacon is not the issue here. The issue is Life-Like Animals. These animals were sitting on the shelf for a paltry $2.99 (for the record I got the girl I was with to pay for them anyway). These things really freaked me out. They came in 6 flavors: Chicken, Alley Rat, Dragon, Alligator, Fly and Tarantula. I of course could not live with out a miniature rubber chicken keychain and I put it in the shopping cart.

I think the packaging could be the best part of these toys. First of all, the price tag clearly notes that these key chains should be stocked in the juice isle. I can not figure out what they had to do with juice, but there they were. Secondly the package mentions that they are stretchable. This is not a lie. They are in fact so stretchy that the second I got them home they immediately stretched out of the key chain. To some this might be defective, but for me I was much happier to have them out of their oppressive keychain shackles. The most important part of the packaging is what one might call the “sell”. You want to buy this product because it: a) Looks Alive! b) Feels Alive! and c) are as I proved earlier Stretchable! While I did not really think they felt that alive, the woman who rang them up felt very differently. When she was handed the key chains she screamed and nearly threw it at the woman bagging up the items. She truly believed that they were alive. In actuality they feel less alive that they do miniature stress balls, if they made stress balls out of disgusting, sticky poor quality rubber. The other thing that confused me was the part about them looking alive. While I must admit they have some similarities to smaller versions of things that once lived, the chicken most certainly looked not alive. I would go as far as saying he looked dead. I mean, I have never seen a living chicken that was fully plucked and hanging to a key chain by his neck. But hey, I haven’t spent a ton of time on chicken farms, so you never know.

Over all, I was very excited to get these creatures today; however, unfortunately I am going to have to give them a rating of 0-3 out of a possible 5 frowning babies.

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