CHICAGO—In what is being called the first conceptual terrorist attack on American soil, the landmark Sears Tower was encased in 18 million tons of strawberry gelatin early Tuesday morning, leaving thousands shocked, angry, and seriously confused.

This is no laughing matter.  These conceptual terrorists have gone too far.  This is an outrage.  We need to take to the art schools with torches.  Someone has to pay for this.  It is time to bomb the Lower East Side and most of San Fransisco.   Bush should not rest until Christo has been brought to justice.  His umbrellas have already killed.  We must find the weapons of mass confusion.  WAKE UP AMERICA.  Our freedom has a price.  We need to cut funding in arts programs to pay for military strikes against… well… art programs.  We have reached a cyan alert people! CYAN!

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