Spank Rock New Years Eve – 12.31.13
I had this idea that on New Years Eve I was going to hit a bunch of parties and take photos at all of them and come up with a NYE bar crawl type gallery. I don’t drink very often but NYE has historically been a day when I do a lot of shots of rum and see how much worse my photography gets by the end of the night. Usually it’s a pretty good time.
I started drinking well before I left my house and headed down to the Flat. It’s only a couple blocks from my house and I did a shot with a few of the employees. It was before 10pm so pretty much no one was there other than staff although a few people were starting to trickle in. I decided I should probably get into the city because I needed to get all the way over to 10th ave and 27th for the Spank Rock party at Hotel Americano. I drank some more out of my flask on the train and by the time I got to Hotel Americano I was like 8 drinks in and pretty tipsy.
I walked in the front door and walked into what seemed like a really packed restaurant. I sort of pushed my way to the back and there was a big line for the elevator that I was on the wrong side of. I ended up just sort of pushing my way on and kinda got the idea that I was in the wrong place. Everyone was very well dressed and it was all gay dudes. I shoot a lot of gay parties but usually everyone is not wearing tuxedos. I was wearing a hoodie and a denim vest. When I got to the roof top it was clear I was not at the right place but I wondered around anyway. Eventually I googled the party I was supposed to be at and it was taking place at El Privado, a private club in the basement.
Turns out the party was an extremely expensive black tie event with an open bar and an intimate Scissor Sisters performance that I had somehow drunkenly snuck into dressed like a homeless biker. When I told the hostess at El Privado what happened she was incredibly confused how I got up there without a ticket. I think it’s a good lesson, if you dress like shit at a really fancy place, people just assume you are there for a reason.
Anyway, when I got to El Privado I was pretty drunk and I didn’t know anyone except for my girl Roxy Cottontail who was DJing at the time. I pulled out my camera and talked to some cute normal girls who seemed to like the fact that I was dressed like a scumbag. I finally ran into Jasmine Solano and sat down with her crew and then my girl Paloma showed up and then I ran into Spank Rock and Amanda Blank and I was feeling a lot better about my decision to have made it out to the west side. I have partied with all those kids many times but never north of 14th street.
Spank Rock and Amanda killed it, I drank some champagne which made me realize I was really drunk because I actually enjoyed the taste of it and finally left shortly after they played. I walked 15 blocks and 2 avenues down to the 8th ave L train and made my way back to Brooklyn. The walk had sobered me up so I pulled out my flask. I had calculated that when I finished my flask I would have had right around 9 shots plus the champagne. Turns out I only had a couple drops left. No wonder I got lost at Hotel Americano.
The next spot I hit was my friend Val’s house party but it seemed like all the entertainment was done for the night. I couldn’t find her any where and didn’t recognize anyone but the space was very cool and there was a bar with a very short line and I was annoyed that I was approaching a vague soberness. I asked the bartender “Is there a situation in which I could receive two shots of rum in exchange for money.” She poured me two doubles of rum into separate plastic cups and asked me for $6 for them. “That is an extremely reasonable price” I replied since when I get drunk I try to sound as much of an aristocratic gentleman as possible. I have no idea how much money I actually gave her but by the time I had chugged one of the cups I knew I had made a mistake.
I tried to give the other cup to a girl who I can’t exactly say what she looked like, but she said she shouldn’t take booze from strangers and called me a pussy for not drinking it. I agreed on both of her points and chugged the rum and talked to her for 15 minutes about how she wanted to be a Suicide Girl and I tried to explain to her that I am pretty much a professional pornographer but I am pretty sure I just sounded like an insane asshole. Eventually I found Val and she was dressed like a cat or something. At this point I could barely stand so I decided to walk to Whorehouse.
Whorehouse is that party that a ton of my friends throw once in a while where they all team up and throw a crazy illegal party and they used to always get broken up by the cops but the last few have gone off without a hitch so I decided to check out the party. It was about a mile a way and it was 20 degrees out or something and I was wearing only a hoodie and I was really, really drunk so I decided it would be a perfect idea to walk there. So I stumbled through Bushwick alone for probably over an hour. I realize it doesn’t take an hour to walk a mile but it does when you can’t see your phone well enough to read Google Maps.
When I finally got to the party there was nothing there. I texted three of the promoters to find out it had been shut down by the cops several hours earlier. I had been walking for hours and I only vaguely had an idea of where I was and my phone had just died. I stumbled around for a few dozen minutes more and somehow stumbled on the Jefferson L stop. No idea how I found it but I did and I eventually made it back to my neck of the woods.
I went by the Flat again around 5am and there was a line out the door and I didn’t know the bouncer. I texted my friend and manger OJ but he yelled at me from a cab as he was passing the club. He invited me to go to Westway with him but there was no fucking way I was going back in the city again so I stumbled home and most likely passed out before the sun came up.
As someone who works in nightlife nothing is more annoying to me than amateur drinkers. These are the people who only go out on Friday and Saturday’s and holidays and get really drunk and puke and pass out and annoy the shit out of me and I try and convince their friends not to take care of them so they learn their lesson. I pretty much was that person last night and I am not super proud of it, but in my defense I did make it home, did not puke and was by myself the whole time so even more reason to abandon your friends when they pass out in a night club bathroom.
Now that this incredibly pointless story is over, I have some pictures! I didn’t take a single picture after 1am but I did get some nice shots of the Spank Rock / Amanda Blank show at El Privado. Shout out to my girl Roxy for inviting me out. Glad I had some fun on New Years! Let’s have a lot more fun in 2014!
