I have been talking shit about my Christmas Card for weeks now and you finally get to see it!  I sent out more than 250 of these for Christmas but since more than 2500 of you view this site a day I know that 90% of you haven’t seen this glorious masterpiece yet.

In 2005 I decided to make a Christmas card when I was living in Richmond, VA.  I went to my friends (AVN nominated) sex shop Taboo and bought a Christmas thong and posed for my card in just the thong and a santa hat.  When I moved to NYC in 2006 I didn’t get a card together, but the next year I decided to up the ante and put two cute girls in Christmas thongs with me.  That card seemed to be very popular.  I had a lot left over so I sent out those cards again in 2008 and 2009 mostly because I am lazy, but in 2010 I thought it was time to step up again and make everyone’s Christmas dreams come true.

I figured most people who had seen my old card would expect naked girls again and I have gained a few lbs and decided maybe a thong wasn’t my best look, so I decided to come up with a new idea.  That idea was The Fat Jew.  For those who don’t know the Fat Jew he was a musician and will soon be a TV star but for now he is just a fat lunatic who makes an excellent naked Jewish Santa.  The Fat Jew owed me some money from when he hired me to shoot him and Kid Cudi hanging out on the day that Michael Jackson died.  I figured I was never going to get paid so I told him we would be even if he posed for my Christmas card.  He was more than willing… some  would say he was excited.

So I got my self a woman’s Christmas sweater from the thrift store down the street, bought a few rolls of Christmas wrapping paper for a backdrop and called my friend Chris from Eat The Cake NYC to come help me take pictures. When the Fat Jew showed up I tossed him my thong and hat and we got to work.  I tried sitting on his lap but it wasn’t quite working. My legs looked way too big in the frame. We tried a few things and ultimately settled with me on the ground between Santa’s legs.  And yes, the Fat Jew’s balls were tickling the back of my neck for the entire shoot. We eventually tried some hilarious Home Alone style shots and then I took the camera from Chris and shot a few of the Fat Jew as solo Santa.

After the shoot I took the pictures overs to my friends at Chips NY and had them make me a lovely card.  Then I had 500 of them made, bought 80 dollars worth of stamps and convinced a really cute girl to help me stamp and label them all…. And that is how you make a Christmas miracle.

So check out the card below and then you can click right here to see all the outtakes of the greatest Christmas card ever created!

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