Last night I got drunk and made out with a lot of girls. 23 to be exact (Including 2 lesbians and an albino!). That is one more than the record of 22 set on my birthday in 2007. Now, that was fun and all, and I had a good time seeing everyone, but there is a reason I don’t drink… It is because I don’t like drinking. I had 4 shots of 100 Proof rum before I left my house and by the time I had my second drink at Trash I was pretty gone. I was enjoying myself until I had to spend the next hour of my life trying to find people, get people in and get 20 year old girls fake ID’s back for them. Around 2AM I was getting sober and waiting for a bottle of Vodka that never came. Around 3:30 I gave up and did another shot, but it all seemed sort of pointless. I was sort of in a bad mood and just got tired. It is pretty clear I am getting old. Shit, I didn’t even get a cake, you bastards.

So, let me thank the people who did come and tell the handful of people who asked me to be on their list and didn’t come to fuck yourselves. And to the last dozen or so girls I kissed, here is hoping we don’t have herpes… but if I don’t get sick it will be a damn miracle. And while I didn’t get my bottle, any presents or a damn cake, I have to thank DJ Jess for finally posing topless for me… He knew that was all I really wanted.

Anyway, I just wanted to mention the reason these pictures suck is because knowing I would be wasted I brought out my old camera which I could barely remember how to work in my state of intoxication and I accidentally grabbed a broken lens that doesn’t autofocus. So the fact that as many of these came out at all is a testament to my brilliance and photographic genius. I just wish I had my real camera to shoot Team Robespierre and Yoji the Asian Michael Jackson. They were both way fun and kinda brilliant. Someone said to me after Team Robespierre played that “It smells like Willamsburg in here.” Hilarious.

And now you just need to click here to see the terrible photos from my anticlimactic yet still mostly fun birthday. This gallery is safe for work despite some nudity, but I was too drunk to ask if I could put the photos online or not. Better safe than sorry… Sorry.

My 30th is going to be my last party for a decade, but it is going to be a big one. See you there.

Update: Here are Nicky Digital’s shots from the night.  You can see what a failed attempt at curling my hair looks like.

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