WARNING: This post is long winded, personal, and of no interest to anyone who is not obsessed with me. Please skip to the video at the end unless you really enjoy me ranting about my life. That being said, the video at the end is amazing. Now back to your regularly scheduled post:

Seriously, there is nothing really much to say about this video. I am pretty speechless… or maybe not:

I will say that I see videos on the internet all the time that really inspire me to waste huge amount of my time doing something ultimately meaningless, but amazing none the less. It sort of makes me think that I lack creativity. I wish I could me more inspired more often. Every since I got back from Texas, and especially since I got back from Florida I have been increasingly less motivated. I didn’t get out of bed all day yesterday. I think it is partly due to the fact that I had so much fun partying for a living that it is really horrifying to come back to no job and tons of shit to do and instead dealing with it I just sit in my house. Not that this is really any of your business, but I am always pretty open on this site. I recently went of anti-depressants for the first time in over a decade. Now, I don’t think I am any more depressed than I have been, but I have been very unmotivated and tired and stressed out. I am not sure if I should go back on them or not. Who knows? I have a lot of ideas in mind for this site, and things I want to accomplish in my life and none of them are getting done. I think I am just really stressed about not having a job for so long and finally having to get one. I know I keep saying that, but it is very hard to find a job that will allow me to keep doing my site and keep going out of town to shoot parties I actually get paid real money for. I want to make a living at this, and I have been for the past 6 months, but I have been steadily losing money and I am about to go into my savings account to pay for broken cameras and then I will be pretty much cashed out assuming I don’t get a job at Cochella or some big event soon.

Now I know I have been ranting and complaining about shit which I hate to do on this site. People don’t like to read it, and it turns them off to my site. It also makes me feel like this site is nothing more than a live journal or something, but it is reasonably therapeutic. I saw that video, and I keep thinking about motivation. Those kids had the motivation and desire to make the below amazing video despite what a complete and total waste of time it was. I had motivation when I managed the Gaskets, and I had motivation to do this site, but sometimes I just feel like I am just shitting out posts just so I can say I did my work for today. I think I should be working on a few great posts and have a separate page for the photos. Or something. I decided I wanted to do many posts a day because I thought that it would be easier than doing three big posts a week, and it is… but the problem is when I do a lot of posts, the really good ones are gone in a few days… and people don’t comment on posts and there is no discussion. I need to do something about that somehow…

Anyway, my last mention in this rant was about the Wire. I finished the series last night. It may be one of my favorite shows of all time. The last season was all about journalism, and it just made me really wish I shot photos for a newspaper. I wish I did documentary work. I got in photography to document the DC punk scene. I became a band photographer from that. I tried to document the drug culture I was around in high school because I loved photographers like Larry Clark and I was around this stuff, but photographing people doing extacy and smoking weed is not quite as visual as people shooting meth. So I just stuck to the band stuff until I got bored with that and just started shooting portraits of my friends… and of course naked people for sport. I never really considered myself an artist, and I never wanted to be. I don’t want to say anything about my work, I just wanted to capture what is around me. I wanted to shoot my friends because that’s what I was around. I shoot parties, cause I go to parties. But now I think, maybe I am just going to parties to take photos because I have this site. I am okay with that, I still have a lot of fun, and my work has gotten much better… but what now? I guess the point is I really regret not doing real documentary work. I mean, I can view this site as an account of down town NYC in the mid 2000’s, but I just wish I was out there telling a story and showing people something they can’t see on 10 different websites. I need to take inspiration from people like VBS and the Magnum photographers that I dreamed of being. Even when I just shot band I always dreamed of winning a Pulitzer, not shooting the cover of Rolling Stone. I just feel I have wasted a lot of time doing bullshit photography and I am not sure what I can do about it at this point. I guess I am just going to have to find some way to tell some story some how and get inspired by something.

And now that I wrote it all down maybe I will actually do it. These guys below did.

http://view.break.com/487616 – Watch more free videos

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