So anyone who knows anything knows that this commercial is the greatest ever made. I have blogged about it at least twice, and now we can make it thrice. So my friend Sarah 2.0 IMed me today telling me how much she hates this commercial, so much that she blogged about it in a NEGATIVE way. This is completely contrary to what she should be doing. Luckily it was only a myspace blog so it doesn’t count… but I am going to still take the time to attack her arguments. Start out by reading her blog and watching the video.

She breaks the video down by seconds. I have posted said video below so you can compare. Hit the play button on the control panel and not on the video because it is fucked up for some reason and will try to tell you that it is no longer available.

Her comments in italics.

.05: The cannon shoots through the wall and the wall falls towards the blast
The thing is, the cannon knocks over the wall when it hits the front wall of the house. You see it has already gone through the back wall and at this point it does not have enough speed to rip through the front wall, but it does have enough to push the wall over, knocking all the walls down in the process. Duh.

.14: GROSS pirate teeth!
Just because they are gross doesn’t make them any less piratey and if I have learned anything from the internets is that pirates are cool.

.22: Ok the mermaid costumes are kinda cool, but I wish they flipped their tails only on the 4’s
That is just bullshit. The costumes are amazing of course, but you need that extra flip. It ties the whole scene together. That is like having the Godfather baptism scene without the baptism.

.24: She’s watching the ocean via her digital cable internet? Is that whats going on? I’m sure they didn’t do that on Bay Watch.
Um.. Bay Watch was FICTIONAL. It was a made up TV show. Real life guards use the extreme value that is the Optimum Triple Play so they can both watch their swimmers with greater efficiency AND watch Bay Watch AND use the telephone if they so desire. Each for just one flat rate of $29.95.

.36: Pelvic thrust…and in those outfits. Who choreographed this shit?
It is clearly an homage to one of Bob Fosse’s most famous numbers, “Steam Heat” from The Pajama Game. And you’d think a dance major on a full scholarship would know that…

.40: Who lays out NOT facing the beach? and the conk shell has a cord coming from under a beach towel, obviously not connected to some digital cables.
Sarah clearly does not know shit about the way conch phones work. And also, while it might be confusing from the commercial anyone who knows anything knows that they are filming at the famous Optimum Beach which has a isthmus that jets out between the ocean where there is beach on both sides. So while they are facing away from the beach in the shot, they are facing towards the beach that the camera is shooting from. According the the productions notes which I was lent for the purpose of this article, the camera was actually positioned from a sand bar.

.43 Ship-less pirates on the run.
Seriously… are you fucking mental? A HUGE pirate ship can not pull up to the beach. They set anchor and are now doing their best raping and pillaging on foot. They also happen to be running away from the sea monster who capsized their attack row boats.

.47: Sweet Christ what is that dragon doing? My friend Daniel Feld thinks he’s kinda hot, but what the hell is going on with the pirate in the background? He’s just holding the tail and swinging a sword around. WTF?!
Um… it’s called rapping. Look it up. And the pirate in the background is dealing with the force of the tail that is nearly whipping him about. That “dragon” is clearly a sea monster and he has amazing tail strength and if that pirate wasn’t holding on for dear life he would be certainly bashed against something with it. Either that or he is dancing.

Its pretty down hill from here.
And by down hill do you mean informative? How else would you know that the savings are for real? And that the triple play is the deal? Also.. we needed to see the logo once more in order to gain brand recognition. It’s called marketing dumb ass.

So, in conclusion: best commercial ever. And Sarah is fired from my life. And Reggaeton should be used to sell EVERYTHING. Case dismissed.

UPDATE: Read Sarah’s dimly worded response here.  I do have to thank her for catching some typos like the Fosse misspelling and the correct price.  That being said, “internets” is not a typo, it is a way of life.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EVxI0uGzeY[/youtube]

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