The womanly Takeru Kobayashi is hiding from brave American hero Joey Chestnut. Chestnut, as I previously blogged, is American greatest hope to bring the Mustard Belt back to the US. Chestnut embarrassed Kobayashi in the qualifying rounds of the Nathans Hot Dog eating contest, beating his worlds record by 6 full hot dogs. Kobayashi has won the national contest many years in a row and is always the man to beat. He knows that Chestnut was going to embarrass him on the world stage at Coney Island this July 4th, so he has made up a fake injury to avoid shame, which as far as I know means he would have to stab himself to death at dawn according to traditions in the back water country that is Japan. The savages there have no idea what a man like Chestnut would do to their national pride. So Chestnut will bring back the belt to the US, but won’t get the satisfaction that we Americans deserve for creating a monster like Joey. Read about Kobayashi’s cowardice here and then watch Kobayashi shake in his boots. God Bless America.

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